For the Children of Sandy Hook

Tragedies such as yesterdays killings at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut have always saddened me, but now as a mother it hurts so much worse. I cannot fathom what the survivors and families are going through. Though I wish I could help more, I just want to offer comfort and reassurance that those little ones and brave teachers and faculty members are at peace and with the Lord now. To surviving children and teachers as well as family, I pray that you find the peace and comfort you need to go forward in your lives, knowing these sweet angels are watching over you.

For the victims and survivors of Sandy Hook Elementary School, I have this picture hanging in my home and it always brings me happiness and peace when I look at it. May it do the same for you:

"But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

         - Matthew 19:14

It just gets better every day...

It also gets harder every day, but that is beside the point. I am trying to make this a positive post in the hopes of overcoming my bad mood of the past few days. Will I succeed? I'm not sure. For the most part I just feel frustrated about E's bed time (or lack thereof). He just does not like sleep. We have tried different forms of sleep training...3 times. Everything seemed to work at first, but in the end we are always right back where we started. I'm throwing in the towel. It's easier for me to accept that he doesn't sleep than it is to feel guilty for yelling at him because I want him to.

Despite that, he is the cutest little boy to ever grace this earth (if I do say so myself) and the light of my life. That's cliche, but it's true. Especially at this time of year, I am enjoying the wonder of childhood. It is pretty darn awesome to get to experience everything for the first time (again) through him. We took him to the city's Christmas lights last week, and just as we pulled into the parking lot he shouted out, pointed out the window, and got a huge smile on his face. We let him walk, and he LOVED it. Except for a brief incident (he fell), he smiled and giggled the entire time, and I think we must have walked back and forth through the light tunnel about a hundred times.

I am so excited to celebrate Christmas with my little family this year. I know we had E last year too, but this year I feel like he's old enough to really enjoy himself, even if he isn't quite old enough to understand what is going on.

At the same time, I find myself asking, "does my little boy have to grow up?" Sigh. I guess that's part of life, but I love this age (despite the fact that he loves pushing boundaries these days) and I wish it wouldn't fly by so fast.

Bad Day in Momland

Today is just one of those days. You know, those days where you feel like you failed at everything? Yep. Definitely one of those days. You see, the internet is both good and bad, and I read an article today on helping toddlers develop speech. What did it say? Get rid of toys that light up, talk, etc... Yeah. That's not going to happen, since 98% of our toys light up, sing, talk, etc... E loves those toys, but I couldn't but feel a bit guilty for not getting him more "imagination based" toys. Feeling like a bad mom moment #1.

I am currently reading "The Happiest Toddler on the Block." I wanted some insight into this positive parenting method and, while reading about Dr. Harvey Karp's "Fast Food Rule" and "Toddler-ease," it all seemed to make sense. I really want to raise E to be emotionally healthy. I want him to understand that emotions are okay, and that there is a difference between emotions and actions. I don't want to inadvertently teach him to suppress his feelings.

So I began trying to use Dr. Karp's recommended method. Boy oh boy did it backfire. Not only did it not help, it actually made things worse. Much, much worse. I feel horrible, because I think it actually scared E once, and his lip started trembling as his screaming intensified. And then again when I had to take a drumstick (it goes with his xylaphone) away because we had to leave (and because he insists on walking with the darn thing in his mouth.) That made him MAD. When I tried to acknowledge that he was mad, he just screamed louder. And louder. And louder. I tried more emotion, I tried less emotion - nothing. worked. It took me 15 minutes to stop what would probably have been a 1 minute tantrum had I NOT tried to be clever and try something new. Feeling like a bad mom moments #2 and #3.

I may try a bit longer, but it's honestly looking like "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" is not going to work for us. In fact, it seems to have done more harm than good and my mommy guilt is in overdrive right now. Maybe it works great for some kids, but for us it seems like a waste of money.

And then there is independent play time. This is a good thing. I know. I can't help but wonder though, if I spend too much time on the computer, and too little time actually playing with E. For the most part, he seems content to play by himself, and he will come to me when he wants or needs something. I do try to read with him and we play with blocks and puzzles together quite often. I also play with his toys with him, when he'll let me. A lot of the time I feel like he's really ignoring me anyway. Still, it makes me feel guilty. I get on the computer so that I have something to do while he's busy playing, but I wonder where the balance is. I couldn't help but feel today like I wasn't spending enough time with him. Feeling like a bad mom moment #4.

Also, he ate both a hot dog and pizza today. He threw most of his veggies on the floor, ate a bit of fruit, gave his eggs to the dogs, and ended up eating fruit loops for breakfast. Feeling like a bad mom moment #5.

And now it's almost 10:00 and he's not asleep yet. Feeling like a bad mom moment #6.

Seriously...just not a good day in Momland.

Becoming a "Yes" Mom

I keep seeing articles popping up that talk about learning to say "yes" as often as possible, rather than saying no all the time. I don't consider myself terribly over protective, but there are some things I find myself struggling to be okay with. I don't even have a good reason, so I'm really trying hard to become a "yes" mom. I think it's important that E have as many experiences as possible (within reasonable and safe bounds, of course).

Here is one thing I managed to say "yes" to today:

Go right ahead and splash in that mud puddle!!!

I'm not a clean freak, but for some reason mud gives me anxiety. I suppose it's something I ought to get used to, since I'm now the mom of a toddler boy! Remember mom: mud = okay! I think I can handle it.

Here are some more pictures from our adventures in the snow this morning, because they are too darn cute not to share:

And how could I not include a pic of my cute little vampire bat out trick or treating for the first time?

Bring on the Holidays

I consider October the start of holiday season, because I love Halloween. My hubby and I go to a haunted house together every year. Unfortunately E is too young for haunted houses, but I wanted to find ways for him to enjoy Halloween as well. So here are our activities so far.

First, we pulled out the Halloween decorations, and I let E help. He really had a lot of fun, though the most he really achieved was spreading fake spiderweb all over the floor and getting tangled in the pumpkin lights.

Then we took a trip to the farm to pick out some pumpkins:

We had some fun decorating our pumpkin:

I also wanted E to have something that he could play with throughout the month, and giant felt pumpkin is what I came up with. I saw something similar with a Christmas tree on Pinterest. E really enjoyed it, even though he couldn't always get the pieces to stick. At least he tried, and had fun doing it!

Lookin' For Some Creativity

Unfortunately I'm not particularly creative or imaginative, and I want to make sure I give my children an opportunity to explore that side of life. E is still pretty young, so a lot of crafts and activities are out of the picture for now, but there is one thing we do enjoy doing...

Painting...

Sometimes the paint even ends up on the paper. We made a canvas for my dad for his birthday a few weeks back, so we thought we should do the same for my mom. I'm fairly confident that she doesn't read this blog, so at the risk of ruining her birthday present...

I'm so excited for the approach of Halloween. I have some fun art projects in mind already.

Pinterest Find - Sensory Bags

I have seen these sensory bags floating around Pinterest, and wanted to make one. A member of my mommy group posted a picture of her little girl playing with one this morning, and inspired me to finally do it. Poor E has a cold and a mild case of ringworm, so we're avoiding parks and playgrounds for a couple of weeks and needed more things to do at home anyway. Here is my version:

What I Used:

1 Ziploc Freezer Bag

1 Bottle of Hair Gel (This was one of my husband's bottles. It was already blue.)

A package of sea animal beads

Duct Tape (I just used the boring grey kind that I already had at home.)

You can use all kinds of different things in these bags. I've seen some with paint, I've seen some with colored water, and I've seen some with shaving cream. I just wanted to use what I already had in the house, so I chose the hair gel and beads.

E seemed to have quite a lot of fun with it.

It did go in his mouth quite frequently, so this will definitely be a closely supervised activity for us, at least until he learns that it isn't a chew toy. Bravo to whomever came up with this idea. Very cheap and easy entertainment. I'll admit that even I had fun playing with it...

World Traveler

Alright not really. We just flew from Utah to Georgia for my sister's wedding, but it was E's first trip on a plane. I was a nervous wreck, I will admit that. I would like to enjoy flying, but the truth is the airsick bag is my best friend on a plane, and I didn't know how to deal with a bored one-year-old and an upset stomach in a cramped space all at the same time. I asked the members of my mommy group what I should take along, and did some research online.

Things didn't turn out too badly. The little stinker stayed awake for the first flight, of course, and then fell asleep just as we were landing. He slept through the airport, so he didn't get lunch until we took off again, and he didn't sleep again during the flight. The good news is that, except for a few minor episodes here and there, he was actually really good. Phew!

Here he is during boarding, sitting in his Grandma's seat before takeoff:

He looks like a pro, doesn't he? And boy oh boy do I wish I could travel this way:

Unfortunately if I was that comfortable at an airport I would probably miss my flight. If you plan on travelling with your very active, very wiggly toddler any time soon, here is what worked for us.

1. Snacks, snacks, and more snacks. Especially on that very first flight. He munched throughout most of the flight, and it helped to keep his ears pop.

2. Buy squeezy pouches. You can get applesauce or baby food purees, but they turned out to be a lifesaver when he slept through lunch at the airport. That, along with a few snacks, not only kept him busy on the plane but helped me make sure he got something in that hungry tummy of his. Bonus: they won't give you trouble with these at security.

3. New toys. I hadn't even thought of this, so it's a good thing the ladies in my mommy group are brilliant. I bought him some of the "My First Crayola" crayons and a marker that only writes on the "magic paper." He loved the crayons. Hated the marker. I also took along a new puzzle, a few of his touch and feel books, and some bath toys, which he loves to chew on. Of the things I took, the things I've listed here were really the only things he was interested in. The puzzle was the biggest hit - it kept him entertained for about a half hour.

4. DVDs. If you have a portable DVD player, bring it. E loves the Baby Einstein DVDs, and my parents found child headphones (of course I tested the volume level before putting them on him). He sat quietly and happily, smiling at the screen for the duration of each video. He watched two on our long flight to Georgia (none on the first short leg) and one on the longer leg back home.

5. Let them walk. If you have a layover and your kiddo can walk, take some shoes, find your gate, and then follow him/her around the airport (within reason). We did this in Denver on our way home (we were ALWAYS right next to him, of course), and he wore himself out. He slept the entire flight from Denver to Salt Lake City.

Magical Mommy Moment

In all of the uncertainty, stress, and hectic days that are part of motherhood, it can sometimes be difficult to remember the moments that make it all worth it. I call these magical mommy moments, and I want to try and post at least one of these a week - sort of a pick-me-up post, I guess.

We have been sleep training E, and recently bed times have been much (VERY much) less stressful. He was relaxed after finishing his bedtime bottle and we were able to just snuggle in the chair for awhile. I was singing to him, and he rolled over onto his side and snuggled into me. His eyes closed and he got a soft smile on his face. That alone was enough to melt my heart. Then he opened his eyes up, made eye-contact with me, and started chattering quietly. After a few seconds he closed his eyes again and snuggled back down.

Happy sigh. Of course, a few minutes later he popped up ready to play again. Hey, it can't last forever, right? It was nice to be able to slow down for a few minutes and just enjoy some peaceful quiet time with my little man. He is truly my own little angel, and I am so grateful to be his mommy.

Birthday Boy!

I am posting this a couple of days late, and my only excuse is to say that this is the first moment I've had to just sit down quietly. E is sound asleep, exhausted from a morning of "swimming" with his cousins, and the hubby is snoozing away next to me as I type this. E's birthday was actually two days ago. I cannot believe he is a year old already. I don't know where the time has gone. He seemed to want to celebrate by becoming a pro at walking. He went from taking a few steps here and there to walking nearly everywhere he went. He is such a big boy, and it's hard not to feel proud of him, though I'm sure, as my mother warned me this morning, my own method of "getting around" is about to change from walking to running. Already this morning he gave me a few grey hairs by diving into the shower with his father and then later attempting to climb into the tub again on his own.

I think that the big birthday bash was a success. I didn't get all of the cool crafty stuff I wanted done, but in the end it didn't really matter. Here are the highlights:

He opened his gifts from hubby and I in the morning, since we figured he'd have plenty to open at his party. He loved the Fisher Price Zoo!

Mmmm....Birthday Dinner!

He wasn't as interested in presents as he was in showing off his new walking skills, but we did get him to help us out with a few of them. He LOVED his new police car!

He really loved in when we sang "Happy Birthday" to him.

His cake was seriously, the cutest. ever. Really. Take a look. He thought so too, I'm sure, since he wasn't terribly eager to smash it, and only made a small mess. He did seems quite content to gnaw on the dino's head.

 Overall, not a bad day! Happy birthday to my little man, and I hope this next year is full of fun and discovery for you!

Feeling Down

I found this beautiful quote on Pinterest, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Unfortunately, though I try my best to be a good mother, there are times when I feel like absolute crap about the job that I'm doing. Today (and even yesterday) is absolutely one of those days.

I can get frustrated pretty quickly these days and sometimes I yell (not really a normal part of my life, but definitely more common now that I don't get a lot of sleep). Now, I realize that most parents yell at their children from time to time. I am afraid of becoming one of "those" moms - you know, the ones that seem to yell or snap at their children constantly?

Seriously, I spent more than five minutes trying to open a jam jar yesterday, and to tell the honest truth, by the time I was done I wanted to throw that stupid jar across the room. Sure it'd break, but at least then I'd have access to the jam, right? Instead I growled/yelled in frustration (yes, I realize that jam isn't that important) and "dropped" (more like spiked) the cloth I was using to help onto the counter.

At that point I looked over and saw E watching me from his high chair, a look of interest on his face. And then my heart sunk. What kind of example am I setting for my son, to get so frustrated over a stupid jar of jam? Then I watched him today, his nearly one-year-old self having a complete meltdown because a toy wasn't behaving exactly as he wanted it too. And then another one because he couldn't reach one toy unless he let go of the other he was holding on to. And then another because I pulled him off of the bookshelf. And yet another for I-don't-know-what reason.

I realize that infants and toddlers (E is currently somewhere in between the two states) have limited ways to express themselves and that tantrums are a fairly normal occurrence. But isn't it my job to be teaching him to express his feelings in a healthier way? And shouldn't I be setting a better example right from the get-go? Take away some of my good mommy points.

So my not-so-New-Years (middle of the year?) resolution is to start managing my own frustration better, so that I can be a better example for my child. In the meantime, I'm trying to remind myself that E is a happy (usually very happy - bad day today I guess), growing child. And he's learning new things every day. That must mean that I'm doing something right. I'm not a perfect-parent - we've all heard it said that there is no such thing - but I'd sure like to get as close to it as I can. I just keep doing the best I can and hopefully I'll learn from my mistakes. And I hope that E will be patient with me too, because when it comes to life I have just as much to learn as he does.

Bring on the Birthday Bash

Okay, so E's first birthday party is not for another two weeks, which makes me happy because I have so much to do. (Besides, I really can't believe he's almost a year old.) I'm super excited for our dinosaur theme, though it seems his birthday outfit doesn't fit and the sign I ordered wasn't printed right. Oh well. I thought I'd make up for that with a little DIY project that doesn't seem to have turned out too badly.

I made a high chair banner to go around his high chair at the party. It was pretty simple - some scrapbooking paper, cardstock, a plastic cup (for the circles), ribbon, scissors, and a glue stick. I didn't have the presence of mind to take pictures throughout the process, but here is the finished product:

I actually quite like the way it turned out. Who needs a yard sign when you have a high chair banner?

I also want to do a time capsule at his party. I plan to put 3x5 cards together with binder rings and have guests write notes to Emmett as they arrive. The book will go into his time capsule, along with some pictures and a few other keepsakes from his first year. I haven't yet decided when I'll let him open this time capsule. Perhaps when he goes on his mission, gets married, or has a child of his own.